many bells down

Oscar’s Fashion Hits, Misses & Whatevs
March 6, 2006, 4:44 pm
Filed under: Celebrity, Fashion, Television

Everyone knows what really matters about the Oscars is not who won (although I’m thrilled that Crash took Best Picture; I didn’t see Brokeback but it’s hard to imagine a film that says more about the state of humanity than Crash) or what the winners said during their acceptance speeches (how cute was Reese’s speech though? Seriously! I love her).  What really matters is what people wore!  So here are my hits, misses and whatevs (meaning I wasn’t thrilled either way).


Jennifer Aniston


I loved Jennifer Aniston’s dress.  I thought it was simple and classy.  I could have done without the necklace, but I just adored the clutch.  Very well put together overall.

Sandra Bullock


This is an awful picture, but in person she looked much better!  The blue looked great on her and the up-‘do was very dignified.   I love the sheer fabric trend. 

Felicty Huffman


I just thought Felicity Huffman looked gorgeous.  Her makeup was flawless, I loved the low bun and the shoes, and we all know I’m a fan of the classic black look.  She looked so beautiful, it made her transformation in TransAmerica even more incredible.  (If you haven’t seen it, you should.  It’s a little weird, but definitely a great film.)

I can’t find pictures of Salma Hayek’s dress anywhere, but I loved that too.  Bright blue, silk, off the shoulder…complimented her skin tone and hair very well.


Michelle Williams


Okay, so the thing about Michelle Williams is this:  I love her.  I used to hate her when she played that ho Jen Lindley on Dawson’s Creek, she of the perpetually bad haircuts and affinity for breaking up Dawson and Joey.  Now, however, I can’t stand the sight of Katie Holmes, I mean Kate Cruise!  How times change.  Anyway, even though I love Michelle Williams, and even though she usually dresses beautifully, I cannot see how the dress even got close to the best dressed lists.  I swear, it’s the exact color of a Crayola crayon I used to hate and an even deeper yellow than a bottle of mustard.  Deep red lipstick with this yellow is just…no. No, I cannot abide by this.  We’ve got ketchup lips and mustard dress, not to mention the fact that it looks like if that collar got to flapping, Michelle Williams would fly away. It’s too much for me to handle.  Too much.  Time to go find a dark corner to rock back and forth in.

Lindsay Lohan


She looks like she had her nanny sew up bits and pieces from her baby blanket and her table cloth to make that dress, then threw the runner from her bed over it just for fun.  Awful.  Don’t get me started on the hair and the fact that she looks like she’s about 40.  Oh Lindsay.

Keira Knightley


Keira is so hit and miss.  Usually miss.  Here’s another dress that made the best dressed list, and I’m not sure why.  I think it might have been okay if not for the necklace and the mermaid fins at the bottom (isn’t this type of dress called a mermaid? or am I hopelessly wrong?).  Maybe I’m just bitter because my mom made me try on a dress with fins just like this for junior prom and it made me look unsightly in all the wrong places.  But I don’t think that’s it; I think I have a problem with it because fins belong in the ocean on fish or mermaids, not on my beloved Keira (who was fantastic in Pride & Prejudice, by the way).

Hilary Swank


Yeah, this ensemble needs a necklace.  And maybe a bit more fabric to cover the nips just in case the double tape she used to secure that thing decided not to be as sticky as usual.

Melissa George

melissa george.jpg

“Hello, my name is Melissa George.  I used to be on Alias but my husband on the show killed my ass to save the love of his life, so I had to do that remake of Amityville Horror.  I wasn’t even nominated for an Oscar – I was robbed, I tell you! – so I decided that even though my dress is kind of cute, I was just going to roll out of bed, throw it on and leave my hair as is – you know, up, but with all the pieces falling out and sticking up.  So eff you Academy!  I don’t need your stupid Oscar.  Melissa George is doing just fine on her own.”

Charlize Theron


As my favorite crack addict Whitney Houston would say, “hell to the no!”  I’m not even sure removing the giant, 80s-inspired bow from the shoulder would save this thing.  I mean, I’m glad we’re not dealing with taffeta here, or else it would be a whole lot worse, but even so…It looks like it doesn’t fit on the hip, or like those strips indicate she’s in the first stages of mummification (albeit in green silk, not toilet paper, which I suppose is a step up).  I just…don’t have words.


Jessica Alba


I guess this dress was pretty?  I don’t know, it doesn’t do much for me.  Taken separately, the pieces are nice enough.  The top makes her breastises look a bit small, though.  I mean, really really teeny.  It’s just weird.

Jennifer Garner


This dress is forgettable, but I love me some JG, so I just had to include her.  How cute was it when she slipped, curtseyed and said, “Thanks, I do my own stunts?”  Loves it!


[Photo Source, Photo Source]


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Enh…I don’t know about Felicity Huffman’s dress. Meh.

I would definitely put Salma Hayek as my absolute BEST dressed. I could not take my eyes off of her. She was just gorgeous. I love love LOVED that blue dress.

Comment by Jo

Oh yeah, and Rachel Weisz. I think she should be on your list. She looked beautiful for seven months pregnant. Very good choice.

Comment by Jo

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